She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
