umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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