I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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