God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
