Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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