he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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