How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can't special order awesome
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
