He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
