fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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