I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
