Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
