I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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