Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
