I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
