I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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