Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
