Dude my mom stole all your condoms
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
