To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
