my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
