You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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