So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
