I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
