Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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