Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I supernannyed him into submission
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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