Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
