people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
