Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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