I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize