I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
