went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
