Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
