addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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