Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
