i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
