You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
