He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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