I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
