they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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