my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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