I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
