You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
