he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
