Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
