Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
