Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
