You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
