Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
