The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
