literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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