I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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