We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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