I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
