im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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