At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
