I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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