Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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