Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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