Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize