Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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