Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
