Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
