I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
