this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
