I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
