she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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