Tell her she can't have a vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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