She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize