If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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