i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
