I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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