Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
