I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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