I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
