U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
