Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
