I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize