I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
